My dad died 10 years ago today.  I miss his physical presence, his words of advice, and the comfort of a father’s love. 

Last night, our family went to see the latest Avengers blockbuster movie, End Game.  Don’t worry, no spoilers for those who want to see it and haven’t had the chance yet.  But there was one scene that I silently pondered as I went to bed last night, and continued this morning.

One of the movie’s heroes, Tony Stark (Iron Man), traveled back in time and had an encounter with his father.  Much of the Iron Man saga involves Tony’s struggles coping his dad’s death when Tony was a child.  During the exchange, Tony had a chance to let his dad know how much he appreciated all he had done for him.

That scene led me to think about what I would say to my dad if I had the chance to speak to Him today.  I thought of all the life lessons I learned from my dad. I didn’t realize what I was learning from him until much later in life.

So I want to share three life lessons I retrospectively learned from my dad.

Moments Matter

I have a lot of memories of doing things with my dad.  Some of those were the big events like vacations, significant life events, and celebrations.  But many of my memories today are of simple moments my dad and I spent together, just the two of us. 

I remember conversations we had while riding down the road, just the two of us.  Also, I remember sitting together while watching ballgames on TV. I can remember working together on projects around the house.

I remember the time my dad showed me the old church and the spring fed pool where he was baptized.  I remember going to work with him when I was little and getting to eat out for lunch.  Hadden’s Cafeteria. Ponderosa Steakhouse. Long John Silver’s.  So many others.

If you are a parent, the simple times we spend with our kids will one day matter more than the stuff we bought them.  Time is our most precious commodity.  Why not invest most of it in the people that matter the most.

Today Does Not Define You

My dad and I were a lot alike.  I was a smart-mouthed and cocky kid.  (No surprise, I’m sure). My dad was also a bit, uhm, impetuous and would speak before thinking.  You can imagine the interesting “extreme family fellowship” that combination created.  Sadly, I look back and recognize that same impetuousness in me produced similar consequences in my family. 

But as my dad aged, he mellowed.  Or maybe I grew up and didn’t push his buttons as much. I like to think it was a grand combination of both.  Whatever the cause, with age for both us came sweeter memories.

I hope I mellow with age like my dad did.  I hope that as I grow older I recognize better what does and doesn’t matter. By God’s grace, I want to be able to see the big picture better and act accordingly.

Parents, let’s take stock of the things that push our buttons.  Are they really that important?  Do they really matter that much? Do they matter more than the person involved?

You Can’t Be Perfect, So Be Good

I know my dad was not a perfect man.  He had many flaws.  Not as many as I do, but he had his fair share.  But his lack of perfection did not keep him from being good.  He was a committed Christian who lived life the right way.  He sinned like all of us do.  But at the end of it all, the story arc of his life showed that he allowed God to grow him.

I wonder if my dad laid in bed at night troubled by his lack of perfection?  Did he lose sleep grieving over his “screw ups”?  I know I do with mine.  Whether or not he did that, he did NOT allow them to keep him from growing as a person.

I saw many of my dad’s flaws, and I am not so naïve to believe there were many I didn’t see.  But in my eyes, his imperfection never obscured his goodness.  Imperfections and all, I sit here to day and assess his life as good. This imperfect man had a superlatively positive impact on me.

Parents, you aren’t going to be perfect.  You know it, and your kids know it.  Therefore, quit trying to be perfect and just be real.  Don’t let the inevitability of your imperfection keep you from being your best YOU.  You are making a greater impact than you realize.  Your kids may not realize it until you’re gone.  But they will realize it.

Concluding Thoughts

Wow.  This was more difficult to write than I imagined when I started.  I am glad to know when my dad entered the presence of Jesus, he heard “well done, good and faithful servant.”  He deserved to hear it.  I wish I had the chance to tell him myself.

I hope to be 10% of the man my dad was. My prayer is my daughter will look back later in her life I remember moments. Consequently, I hope she will realize that in spite of my besetting imperfection that I love her and want God’s best for her.

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” – Luke 23:34 

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Father, forgive them.  Who are they? A lot of different groups, witnessed (and surprisingly didn’t witness) Jesus’ crucifiction. Today, let’s think about the soldiers.

They were soldiers

The Bible gives no definitive description of the deployment of Roman soldiers thought the arrest, trial, and burial of Jesus.  We may safely assume that as Jesus passed through the process that a diferent detachment of soldiers took responsibility.  If that was indeed the case, the soldiers around the cross were more than like “crucifixion specialists.” 

That day they were just doing their job The cruelty of crucifixion.  These soldiers had served this detail so many times, it had become to them just another part of the job. They mocked Jesus and made sport of His tragic death.  All the while they knew “not what they did.”

What they thought was just another routine execution was the single climatic event to which all creation pointed.  This was not ordinary day.  This day would change the kosmos forever.  What seemed to be another sap on a cross was the Lamb of God on the altar.  The crucified was not paying for his crimes, the sinless Son of God was paying for the sin of all mankind. And all the while, they missed the significance of THIS crucifixion.  

When WE Become THEY

How easily we become jaded by the routine of life.  How often we miss the spectacular because we only look for the familiar.  But in the end something changed.  Matthew’s account of the crucifixion accounts for a change of heart among the soldiers on Calvary that day. 

When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!” – Matthew 27:54 

Because of a popular movie, we tend think of only one Centurion (played by John Wayne) having a heart change.  But the Matthew account shows us that like their leader trhe soldiers were filled with awe and had a heart change.  Jesus has a way of tenderizing even the hardest of hearts.

Reflection

Reflect: In what ways has the everyday give and take of life hardened your heart?  Have you stopped looking for the miraculous?  Have you stopped noticing God’s extraordinary activity around you?  Ask God to open both your eyes AND your heart to see and experience Him in new and fresh ways. 

“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, pave yourself a new one.” 

I saw that painted on the side of a building this morning, and initially I liked the statement. But when I started thinking about it a little more deeply, I began to see a different angle.

As I researched the quote later in the day, I discovered it was a quote from Dolly Parton.  I think I understand the gist of what she was saying.  When we are walking a difficult path, we do not have to believe it will always be that way.  To that degree, I can agree with the statement. But I also believe there is an underlying danger in such a sentiment.

A Call to Steadfastness

In our culture these days, we too quickly look for an easy way out of the first difficulty we encounter.  An old saying used to encourage us: “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.”  Many people, when their going gets tough, they get going – as far away from the difficult circumstance as possible.

But what if that difficult situation in which we find ourselves is the very thing God sent for our good?  Think about Jesus’ disciples in a boat during a stormy night on the Sea of GaliIee.  I am sure they would have preferred to skip the storm all together.  However, had they not experienced the storm, Peter would have never experienced walking on water.

The Bible reminds us that difficult circumstances develop steadfastness. (James 1:2-3) Sometimes, we are too quick to curse our hardships and seek to escape them.  But those very trials may be the tool God sent to grow us and strengthen us.

The Importance of Steadfastness

The writer of Hebrews calls us to run with endurance the race that is appointed to us. (Hebrews 12:1)  The word translated “race” in Hebrews 12:1 is the word from which we derive the English “agonize.”  Sometimes God’s appointed route is hard. Paving a new road when you don’t like the one you’re on could take you off God’s course for you.

Hebrews 12 immediately follows a chapter we refer to as the “Hall of Faith.”  That chapter recounts the heroics of Biblical men and women who demonstrated great faith through adversity. Hebrews 11:6 reminds us that we cannot please God without faith.  If we never need to exercise steadfastness through difficult circumstances, we cannot prove that we really believe God.

So the call to steadfastness in Hebrews 12:1 is our opportunity to do as men and women of old.  We demonstrate we believe that God rewards those who seek Him when we remain steadfast under trial.

Help for Steadfastness

Back in James 1, James encourages us to joyfully face our trials.  He did not call us to enjoy them, only to count them as joy.  We find joy not in the experience of trials, but in knowing the result those trials will produce – steadfastness.

James tells us that we have help while walking that difficult road.  He said that when we don’t know what to do – when we need wisdom – we should ask God.  Just as He came to His disciples on the stormy sea, He will come to you to help you navigate that rough patch of road. The more you experience that help of God in your trials, the more you learn to trust Him in future difficulties.

See also, Where is God In My Trials?

I am heartbroken, to say the least the decision by New York legislators to legalize the infanticide of yet-to-be born people.  The only thing worse than the decision itself was the reaction of the legislature when the bill passed.  Regardless of one’s position on abortion, how in the name of decency can people applaud the procedure.

I am heartbroken for young girls who feel there’s no other alternative than to take the life of the child they conceived. My heart breaks for unborn who did not ask to be brought into this world conceived, and who are killed before they seeing the light of day. My heart breaks for the spiritual condition of our country that would see this as a “good” thing.  I cannot conceive of any way abortion can be defined as good.

But… (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?)

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One of the most important elements of grammar is Verb Tense.  Tense tells us the time in which the action took place – past, present, and future.  When it comes to our salvation, we should think of it in all three tenses. 

I WAS saved from the penalty of the sins of my past.  I WILL BE saved from all future sins, and ultimately from the presence of sin when I get to heaven.  And I AM BEING saved as the Holy Spirit works to make me more like Jesus with each passing day.

Salvation – Past Tense “I WAS Saved”

We most often think of salvation in the past tense. You may remember a specific time in your past when you repented of your sin and turned your trust to Jesus. At that moment the blood of Jesus covered all of the sins you had committed, and you stood forgiven.  The Bible teaches us that God shows us grace – undeserved favor – and forgives all of our sin.  By GRACE we have been saved. (Ephesians 2:1-9)

Often when you talk to a believer about her or his relationship with Jesus, you might hear, “I was saved when I was ______.”  Theologically speaking, we call what happens when an unbeliever turns from their sin and places trust in Jesus “regeneration.”  We call it that because the Holy Spirit gives life to our spirit formerly dead because of our sin.

Salvation – Future Tense “I Will Be Saved”

But we also understand salvation in the future tense.  Not only did Jesus forgive our past sins, He also provided us perseverance until we reach heaven, our final destination.  Theologically, we refer to future salvation as “glorification.”

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New Year’s resolutions get a bad rap. Many people scoff at others who make them, prophesying the fact that the resolutions will not stick. And with good reason, since most of us who make resolutions often abandon them early in the year.

I’ve also noticed that those who scoff at others who make resolutions usually fail to grow personally themselves. They mock others who have a plan to grow but fail. Yet, they have no plan nor growth themselves. Seems to me it’s better to try and fail than to not try at all.

I think New Year’s resolutions are a good idea. I firmly believe in the principle of living an INTENTIONAL life. On old saying reminds us, “Aim at nothing, and you are sure to hit it.” New Year’s resolutions provide us a goal, a pathway to growth.

In 2 Peter 3:18, Peter challenges us to grow, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” Notice the first word, “BUT.” Why did he start the verse that way?

In the preceding verse, Peter warns them not to not get carried away into error and lose their stability. Then encourages them to grow. So he presents two options – decline or grow. No middle ground, we either grow or we backslide. New Year’s resolutions at least give us a plan to grow.

The Benefits of Resolutions

First of all, New Year’s resolutions are an admission they we need to improve. Socrates famously said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Trust me. You, just like me, have lots of room to grow. Unwillingness to own our shortcomings robs us of the opportunity to become a better version of ourselves. Even worse is knowing our shortcomings and being unwilling to address them.

Moreover, New Year’s resolutions provide a framework of intentionality within which we can work to better ourselves. It’s not enough to want to “be a better person.” We will make greater improvements when we specifically choose one or two shortcomings to work on at a time.

Additionally, resolutions present the opportunity for accountability. When we specify parts of our lives we want to improve, we reveal plans and are more likely to follow through. Without resolutions, our desire to improve is nothing more than a nebulous, non-specific dream.

Setting Resolutions

If you plan to establish some resolutions for the coming year, maybe these ideas will help you successfully establish and achieve them.

Make your goals challenging yet reasonable. Most people err in one of two extremes – goals that are either too easy or too difficult. Push yourself, but keep it real.

Break your plan down into increments. If your goal is to lose weight, set a goal to lose a fraction of amount in the first three months. You will gain added momentum from the small victories on the shorter terms.

Put your resolutions in writing. Make a list of what you want to accomplish and why you want to accomplish it. Look at your list every morning to remind yourself of the improvements you desire. As you look at the list each morning, you can strategize plans for that particular day that move you toward your goal.

Finally, share your goal with a trusted friend who will hold you accountable. You might also have a friend who has a similar resolution. The two of you can challenge, motivate, and encourage each other as you move toward your intended results.

Questions to Consider

1. What are some areas of my life I would like to improve in 2019?
2. What changes must I make to see these improvements happen?
3. Do I have a trusted friend to whom I can make myself accountable for working on these areas?

Comment section is open. What have you done it help your resolutions become reality? What are some areas you want to improve in 2019?

Click here for a look back at last year’s New Year’s post.