Jesus taught us that our words come from the overflow of our heart (Matthew 12:34).  If we take the time to listen to what we say, we can learn a lot about our spiritual condition.  Our use of pronouns is a great indicator of our attitudes toward ourselves and others.

Pronouns are words that stand in the place of proper nouns.  For instance, if you tell a story about a man named John, you do not use his name every time.  You use the pronouns he, him, his and such as that.  But even more telling is the way we use pronouns that refer to us in comparison to others.  

The New Testament records the phrase “one another” about 50 times in ways that instruct us how to treat each other.  Nothing diagnoses our attitude about our other people more than the way we use pronouns to refer to them.  Here are three pronoun “red lights” and ways we can reframe them for a more others-friendly attitude.

You Instead of Me Assigns BLAME

Blaming others comes naturally.  That started in the Garden of Eden.  Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent.  The devil still finds success getting people to blame others rather than taking personal responsibility.  

Sometimes others are responsible for the circumstances of our lives.  But more times than not, our actions and reactions could have made the situation turn out differently.  

Listen to yourself.  When less than desirable circumstances befall you, what is your default explanation.  

“If only she had ____, then…” 

“Things would’ve been different if he hadn’t _____, ” 

“If they wanted me to ____ then they should have…”. 

We could go on with so many more similar responses.  A more productive approach would be for me to consider how I might have made a difference in the situation. How could I have acted differently?  Were my expectations unreasonable? Could I have diffused the situation sooner?

Let me encourage you to listen to your pronouns.  Replace assigning blame with taking personal responsibility.

KEY QUESTION:  What could I have done differently?

Mine Instead of Yours Demonstrates SELFISHNESS

“MINE!”  Everyone has heard the ear-piercing screech of a selfish toddler when someone has taken their (at the moment) favorite toy.  Sadly, we don’t outgrow that easily.  We may turn down the volume, but we maintain the posture.  We have an idea of what is “ours,” and we tend to protect “ours” vehemently.

But Jesus teaches us to put others first.  Those who serve are the greatest. Those who move to the back of the line are the ones who are first in His eyes. (Matthew 10:31; 43-45) Paul teaches us to esteem others as more important than ourselves. (Philippians 2:3). 

But when we listen to ourselves, do we hear that kind of heart?  Or do we hear words insisting on our way? Our “me first” culture has conditioned us to insist on our rights rather than humbly yielding to others. 

Let me encourage you to listen to your pronouns.  Replace selfishness with sacrificial service.

KEY QUESTION:  What can I do or give to serve others?

Us/Them Instead of We Expresses DIVISION

One of the first things we learn how to do in elementary school recess is to choose sides.  When it comes to picking our team, we don’t want the best on our team.  We want our friends.  Most playground game drafts are more popularity contests than anything else.  

And the popularity contests continue into adulthood where we learn to focus more on our differences than our commonalities.  Race, economics, preferences, age, and such categories as those provide readymade cubby holes for assigning people.

We can’t ignore that differences exist, but the key is in recognizing the beauty of diversity.  

Would a symphony sound beautiful if only violins played the music and only in unison?  

Would a tree-studded mountainside be as lovely in autumn if all the leaves were the same color?

How delicious would a cake taste if it only consisted of flour?

Jesus did not do away with differences. But through His Gospel, He has removed the wall of separation built because of those differences.  (Ephesians 2:14). 

If you keep slicing a pie into smaller pieces, you wind up with a slice that has very little to it.  When we keep dividing ourselves into human slices according to our personal preferences, little remains.  

Let me encourage you to listen to your pronouns.  Replace division with diversity.

KEY QUESTION:  What can I learn from others who are different from me?

Listen to Your Heart

Take account of the pronouns you use.  Or, better yet, ask an accountability partner to listen to you over the long haul.  Be willing to accept constructive critic.  Ask the Holy Spirit to change your heart so that your pronouns reflect a heart that values others over self.

For more on listen to your words click here to read Listening to Your Heart – What Do You Hear?