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“If you don’t like the answer, don’t ask the question.”

Cute saying.  Horrible philosophy.

Most of us don’t like questions, especially the “hard” questions about our lives.  We do not like for others to question or motives or our execution of life’s daily responsibilities.  However, we miss great opportunities for personal growth when we avoid questioning.

The Bible teaches us the value of submitting ourselves to the scrutiny of those who love us.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” – Proverbs 27:6

 

“Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

 

The Need for Accountability

William Noonan addresses such defensiveness in his book, Discussing the Undiscussable: A Guide to Overcoming Defensive Routines in the Workplace. I like the phrase in his title, “discussing the undiscussable.” We have to be willing to talk about some things that are uncomfortable if we desire personal growth.

Our reluctance to let others question us from time to time creates a false sense of maturity.  However, if no one ever challenges us, we may wrongly assume nothing is askew in our lives.  Notice, I wrote wrongly.  Like an ostrich with his head stuck in the ground, we live oblivious to shortcomings obvious to others.

One extreme listens to every voices and seeks to attempt to please everyone. But the other extreme refuses to allow anyone to speak words of challenge into their lives.  The latter may be more dangerous than the former.

The Path to Accountability

Let me encourage you to give two or three wise people permission to ask you difficult questions.  Look for people who live from a Biblical, godly perspective and who will hold you accountable to the same.  Find people who will challenge you to grow. Recruit those who will not allow you to live less than God’s best for your life.  Additionally, allow them to “discuss the undiscussables” with you.

Let me suggest five questions your accountability partners can ask you that will spur you on to deeper life growth.

WHY deals with our motives.  Why do you do the things you do? This questions also examines the reason behind your values and priorities.  It is possible to do right things with wrong motives; making those things not so right after all.

HOW deals with our execution of life.  The “how” questions inspect our actions to see if we are striving for excellence in life.

WHAT deals with the substance of our lives.  What are we doing to strengthen our family?  Also, what are we doing to match our actions with our values and priorities?

WHEN deals with our efficiency.  We need to answer questions like “when do you read your Bible and pray?” Or “when do you spend time with your family?” “When did last pray or read your Bible?”

Then finally WHO deals with our interaction with others.  “With whom have you prayed lately?” Who needs more of your time?  We even need to consider who drains us and who fills us.

Moving Toward Accountability

Who is someone you can call today and invite to ask you “hard questions”?

What questions do they need to ask you?

How will you learn from their questions and you honest answers?

When will you start?

Why will you wait until then?

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25