One of the most popular Scripture misquotes is a phrase found in Ephesians 4:15:

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”

Many believers have used the concept of speaking the truth in love as found in this verse to assault verbally other brothers and sisters in Christ.  It seems as though anyone has the liberty to say any matter of hurtful things to another by claiming to speak the truth in love.  The problem with that approach is that (1) usually “the truth” is not God’s truth, but rather opinion, and (2) the motive is most often not loving but self-serving.

When we see the context of Ephesians 4:15 we can gain a more accurate understanding of what it means to speak the truth in love and a better idea of how to practice it.  The verse immediately preceding holds the key for our understanding.  Verse 14 admonishes us not to be gullible and vulnerable to teaching that not grounded in truth.  So then, verse 15 stands in antithesis to encourage us to speak TRUTH.  “Truth” contrasts “every wind of doctrine” in verse 14, and “love” contrasts “by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.”

While some will manipulate and spin doctrine to suit their own agenda, the true believer, from a heart of love (love for God, His Word, and for His people) will be careful to speak the truth of God’s Word; to teach God’s truth rather than personal preference.

This verse, then, is not license to speak harshly to another believer, while claiming to do it because we love him or her.  A more appropriate guiding principle for our speech toward others can be found a verses after verse 15:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29